Grant, the Supreme Leader of the Gang Gang Gang Gang, has hired me, yes me, Andrew Hirschbein, a peasant, to cover a story about the gang’s upcoming plans.

Grant’s an interesting fellow. He’s a semi-famous actor from the movies, Writers Block and Small, he’s a world renowned explorer of the woods behind his Locust Valley hideout, and he’s also a proud Pomeranian owner. 

Grant is helped in his efforts by henchmen Jonah Freedberg and Jack McCarthy. Jonah is the strongman of the gang. He’s the guy who’s in charge of the mass protests and making sure that if they get violent, he can control and defuse the situation. He’s more than a strongman though, as he’s also the brains of the operation. With an IQ of 248, he’s the smartest guy and the most fit to do the job.

Jack, on the other hand, is the assistant to Grant. Nothing is to be reported on him except that fact. This is because I legally can’t, as it was part of my contract not to report much on him.

A rainy day in March is usually considered unpleasant. For Sigal, however, “it’ll really be an unpleasant day,” according to Grant, who snapped at me when I tried to get him to say why. Grant told me, “I wouldn’t want to break that contract if I were you,” and “break that contract and you’ll end up like the people who get in my way.” 

After doing some independent investigative work, I hate to say that I have broken my contract, but more importantly to say that this day would be unpleasant for Sigal for this main reason. These reasons include that her student government presidency is going to come to an end, and Grant, the supreme leader of the Gang Gang Gang Gang, will be in charge of the student government starting at 1 o’clock sharp.  As for what will happen with Sigal and her administration, I will not speculate, but I’ll say this. It’ll be ugly.