The Village dance is being canceled due to the absurd price! A whole 35 dollars! Why spend your hard-earned dough on a dance, when you could spend it on 35 things at dollar tree? And, who wants to go to a dumb school dance anyway? The students here have way more important things to do. Charles has to walk his fish! He doesn’t have time for a dance! When asked why she wouldn’t be attending, Student Government President Sigal cited a scheduling conflict. “I just can’t. I have to wash my hair. It couldn’t be helped.”

For many months there were high hopes that the dance would be making a comeback after a several year-long break. Though talks of chocolate fountains and Chipotle Burrito Bowls stalled when students began asking critical questions. Sophomore Emma said, “I can get Chipotle for a few dollars- why would I spend $35 for a burrito bowl?”

The dance was about more than food though. There was also the awkwardness of dancing! A Senior, Mason, said he was excited to stand there awkwardly and listen to the blaring pop music while watching Sami dances alone. Jonah, also a senior, chimed in that he too was excited. But the cost of gas to drive back and forth was just too steep.

Because so many people decided they didn’t wanna come, we decided to put up a pole for what we should do instead. 62 % Of students said they would rather do an online zoom meeting while collectively crying! 23% Said that they would rather have Lauren do a read-aloud to Shakespeare, and 15% said they would rather have Ronni give a math test.