Truck Carrying 42,000 lbs. of French Fries Crashes Into Overpass


Grant Katz , Supreme Leader

Early in the morning on February 1, a truck carrying 42,000 pounds of french fries crashed into an overpass on the Hutchinson River Parkway. The crash sent debris all over the road; it was traveling illegally on the parkway.

The top of the trailer was sheared off and ripped in half, revealing the cargo to those driving to work.  Police were called to the scene with reports of looting. The looters were apprehended by law enforcement;  however, the chases did not last long because of the bandits unusual choice of getaway vehicles (mobility scooters) and the weight of their stolen goods– in total 3,000 pound of product,  stolen by 2,000 pounds of bandits. 

It was madness, the most godless acts I’ve ever seen!

— Susan Lader, a local resident.

Another onlooker remarked, “Oh, the humanity!” 

Currently, only 1,800 pounds of fries have been recovered; the rest are suspected to have been consumed.  The remaining cargo was loaded onto an armed truck, and the delayed shipment is expected to decrease the average blood pressure of the state by 4.2/120 mmHg.  The average blood pressure is expected to go back up to its standard high levels following the delivery of the shipment.