The Shallot: Not the News

President Trump declared this Coronavirus crisis a “national emergency.” However, this is an extreme overreaction, and not the first time the President has basked in fake news. Since his declaration, citizens have gone into complete panic mode, storming supermarkets, raiding the shelves for essentials. “What people don’t understand is that the Coronavirus is just like the flu,” Village School student Yoni laughed. “But the Coronavirus has only killed 2,000 people in the US, while the flu kills more than 30,000 per year,” junior Sarah concurred. “This whole social distancing thing is stupid” she said. “I still go out with my friends, even though my parents don’t want me to for some reason, and I am perfectly fine.” These students are right; and there is something much more pressing that most Americans aren’t prioritizing as a problem: COVID-19.

While the Coronavirus has only killed around 2,000 people in the United States, COVID-19 has killed over 177,000 people globally. Although some may argue that the first 18 classes of “COVID” were not even in the news, COVIDologists claim “19” outweighs all the others combined. “People MUST stay inside! The United States has not been involved in an emergency like this for decades! ” cried scared COVIDologist, Pam Demic.

It is evident that Ms. Demic is right, and it is also evident that Americans are sleeping on what truly matters. People need to switch their attention from the dinky Coronavirus over to the immediate threat of COVID-19. Until a vaccine or solution is found, it is crucial that American citizens stay inside their homes, only leaving to stock up on food. Just stay away from Bat Soup.