By Buk Lau

Discovered by unsuspecting campers, roaming deep in the Bornian Rainforest, the animal was seen with its pants down. Embarrassed, it ran away and was not seen again for 11 days 6 hours 42 minutes and 13.5 seconds. Originally thinking it was a unicorn, the campers couldn’t believe what they saw. When authorities arrived on the scene, the campers were found dead 43.3333333 millimeters from their camp site.

During the call to the authorities, the animal was discribed as a mix of a horse and a shark. In the pocket of one of the camper’s a cellular phone was recovered, on which a photo of this animal had been taken. Using this photo, we were able to track down this incredible species and its entire flock! The newly discovered animal has been named the Horse Shark. The head of the flock, the flurgle, agreed to an exclusive interview with only our news team!!

Buk Lau: How long has your species has been around?

Flurgle: Yes

Buk Lau: Where have you been all these years?

Flurgle: Tuesday

Buk Lau: What other animals can you communicate with?

Flurgle: Tuna… salad sandwiches…and the aliens that are invading on Friday.

Buk Lau: Well, then. Thank you for your time.

Flurgle: No problem… But, now I have some roasted chicken to attend to.

After the interview, the Flurgle mingled with our crew and had his way with the Kraft food services table. He hasn’t been seen since.

THE SHALLOT

by Eric Bernstein