By Max Cruz
A new religion is sweeping the nation. It has been said that once a layperson is exposed to the religion and reads the lore associated with it, she will never be the same.
She will come to love and accept her new lord and savior with open arms.And the religion has a very unexpected and unlikely God: Shrek.
People now faithfully worship Shrek as their lord and savior. And it doesn’t stop there. Followers created their own myths relating to encounters with Shrek and have written their own Bible. But their version of Shrek isn’t the beloved, kind-hearted and heroic ogre we all know and love. Their Shrek is a monster. This other Shrek tortures and/or traumatizes anyone he encounters!
Followers have their own version of ‘Amen’ too: “Shrek is love. Shrek is life.” When something goes wrong, followers will often say “You should have checked yourself before you Shreked yourself.” They summon Shrek himself in times of trouble to either “baptize” or punish the non-believers. The two Shreks however should never be confused, so don’t be traumatized the next time you see the cartoon Shrek.
Because, all in all, Shrek is love. Shrek is life.
THE SHALLOT
